Hello...
I wanted to write and say hello to the forum. I have many questions about Bipolar. Mainly because I was recently diagnosed as BP and put on Lithium. My diagnosis of Bipolar is really helping all the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. I now believe that I have been Bipolar since I was a teenager (I am now 58). I recognize the deep depressions, the suicidality, the moods swings, and the unrecognized at the time manic episodes. For years I have had trouble sleeping and would race around the house early in the morning at full tilt, my mind ablaze with ideas, and seemingly boundless energy.
How this all came to a head recently: I went through a very down period, in which I was intensely angry all the time, and pushed everyone away from me. My sullen, gloomy, and angry attitudes became a problem in the workplace and several co-workers complained to my boss, who then confronted me. I virtually panicked, realizing that I was in serious trouble in the workplace. I got in therapy immediately and got my doctor to prescribe Paxil. This resulted in a resolution of the depressive crisis. However, following a period of prolonged ill health, I went full screech into a manic episode, hardly sleeping at night, and talking a blue streak. My behavior at work was very different from my usual personality, and I spent work time constantly socializing and getting little paperwork done. The same scenario repeated - coworkers went to my boss, complaining about my erratic behavior. My boss caringly and compassionately confronted me, and put me out on a 1 month long leave of absence.
Although I am not as flighty as I was, I feel very strange, and don't know whether to sheet it home to the Lithium, or the BP, or what. I feel very tired, and sleep for long periods of time. In the morning, I feel alert, but this quickly changes to low energy and exhaustion. I am getting up about 3am every morning.
The worse part of this is the anxiety about my situation. I do not know if I can do the work that I was doing previously (I am a Clinical Social Worker, working with children). It is a high stress work situation, and I don't know if it is good for me to have all that stress. I don't know what to expect with the Bipolar. Although intuition tells me that I will probably be better than I was before taking Lithium, I feel so out of control. Further, I have a situation where I have become emotionally attached to one of the children (age 16) I worked with, and want to adopt him. This is not permitted while holding a clinical job in the organization. So, I am in a bind.
I am not really looking for advice on these issues, just a place to vent, and share my experiences with other people with Bipolar. If you have any experiences to relate to me, please feel free. Feel free to also give advice if you so choose. I would like to be a regular forum contributor. I think a forum such as this fills a critical void for me, as I live in an extremely rural area where there are few services for people.
Cheers,
Gary
I wanted to write and say hello to the forum. I have many questions about Bipolar. Mainly because I was recently diagnosed as BP and put on Lithium. My diagnosis of Bipolar is really helping all the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. I now believe that I have been Bipolar since I was a teenager (I am now 58). I recognize the deep depressions, the suicidality, the moods swings, and the unrecognized at the time manic episodes. For years I have had trouble sleeping and would race around the house early in the morning at full tilt, my mind ablaze with ideas, and seemingly boundless energy.
How this all came to a head recently: I went through a very down period, in which I was intensely angry all the time, and pushed everyone away from me. My sullen, gloomy, and angry attitudes became a problem in the workplace and several co-workers complained to my boss, who then confronted me. I virtually panicked, realizing that I was in serious trouble in the workplace. I got in therapy immediately and got my doctor to prescribe Paxil. This resulted in a resolution of the depressive crisis. However, following a period of prolonged ill health, I went full screech into a manic episode, hardly sleeping at night, and talking a blue streak. My behavior at work was very different from my usual personality, and I spent work time constantly socializing and getting little paperwork done. The same scenario repeated - coworkers went to my boss, complaining about my erratic behavior. My boss caringly and compassionately confronted me, and put me out on a 1 month long leave of absence.
Although I am not as flighty as I was, I feel very strange, and don't know whether to sheet it home to the Lithium, or the BP, or what. I feel very tired, and sleep for long periods of time. In the morning, I feel alert, but this quickly changes to low energy and exhaustion. I am getting up about 3am every morning.
The worse part of this is the anxiety about my situation. I do not know if I can do the work that I was doing previously (I am a Clinical Social Worker, working with children). It is a high stress work situation, and I don't know if it is good for me to have all that stress. I don't know what to expect with the Bipolar. Although intuition tells me that I will probably be better than I was before taking Lithium, I feel so out of control. Further, I have a situation where I have become emotionally attached to one of the children (age 16) I worked with, and want to adopt him. This is not permitted while holding a clinical job in the organization. So, I am in a bind.
I am not really looking for advice on these issues, just a place to vent, and share my experiences with other people with Bipolar. If you have any experiences to relate to me, please feel free. Feel free to also give advice if you so choose. I would like to be a regular forum contributor. I think a forum such as this fills a critical void for me, as I live in an extremely rural area where there are few services for people.
Cheers,
Gary
